The Great Smoking Crisis

There is a very unfunny parrellel between the way this Republican congress treats President Obama, to the way Paul and Judy deal with my trying to quit smoking.  They want me to fail and will seemingly move heaven and earth to insure that that happens- - and should there be any sucesses- - these will be denied and dismissed as if their lives depended on their doing so.  We can talk about track records if you want to.  I had almost no contact with Paul and Judy for seventeen years from the second half of 1981 through to December of 1998.  You can track the frequency of "crises" in my life to the presence of Paul and Judy in my life.  When these two aren't around- - crises don't occur.  But there is also the "thoroughness" argument.  In President Obama's case it pertains to the President's "effectiveness" in prosecuting this War with ISIS.  Keep in mind John Boehner met with his top aids and said NO ACTION or authorization for the conflict would take place till the next congress is seated next year.  This is a Fact.  People in the tea party or Paul and Judy disregard FACTS almost alltogether.   Sean Hannity gave this yammering lecture about how President Obama needs to go whole hog and declare World War III or something because “These weak and half way measures will never get the job done and they’ll come back again and again”.  Then Sean said “Actually I’ve got a bad preminission about this war.  I hope I’m wrong but I’m afraid before it’s done it’s going to get really bad”.   This sounds like some kind of dark malicious prophecy.  Both Paul and Judy and the Republican Congress have a very "dark" outlook on life.  So this blog contains snippets cobbled together on the subject of my quitting smoking.  I'm not a very good spokesman for "selling' others on my viewpoint, regardless of the facts.  Another armed with the same FACTS I am in posession of would do a much better job of defending me.  Paul is a people person.  He's good - - not at counseling- - where I would rate him a charitable D minus.  Where is true calling really lies is in being a salesperson- - perferably pitching a product that's a total dud and a piece of crap.  Paul has this unique tallent for "blowing people off' and disregarding their feelings and needs- - and he'd be the perfect spokesman for the complaint depart for instance where after talking with him- - YES you'll NEVER shop at that store again, but as far as he's concerned- - HE won the victory with his impenetrable WALL OF BULLSHIT.   Here are some snippits.

 I called Judy and the conversation with her went better than expected.  I apologized for my attitude of last Friday.  This is the one where I was completely in the right about no promise being made – in fact quite the opposite took place in the conversation.  Paul reminded me of the impossible odds of quitting- - way after he had plopped down the money done without condition.  But I made the mistake of bringing up the topic with Paul and that conversation was doomed from the start.  No matter what I said about personal effort of brain chemistry or panic attacks - - or actual progress made- - the whole thing boiled down to “[Marcus] can’t prove he’s totally off cigarettes.  Therefore [Marcus] has decided that he doesn’t want to quit smoking.”   And of course did you know I was a major con artist?  Paul gave me a lecture about “Moral Integrety” with Federico and the reason why I asked for that two dollars.  That’s like borrowing money to buy a refrigerator but then your neighbor is moving and don’t need their refrigerator so you take it - - and you use the money to go out and buy a grand piano instead.  All I can say is before the Judgement Seat of Christ that Paul better be sure that none of his sins total to be over two dollars or he’s in major trouble.  It almost reminds of that “Bengazi” echo chamber- - the mantra that Congress keeps repeating endlessly.  And I did not even raise issues such as “the quality of life” or how “mentally functional I am”, and I said very little about pharmacological brain chemistry- - and how perhaps certain personality traits would be exaserbated by my suddenly going off nicotine.  It’s like showing a TV monitor a purple banana and saying “Make this banana look yellow” and eventually they may say “OK it looks vaguely yellow now- - but everything else looks like hell”.

I thought of writing him a letter explaining the multitude of reasons, many of which I just thought of, working against my quitting smoking.  But for one thing is - - I have NEVER been normal.  I was always nervous with manorisms, I was mocked for by one brother in particular as you know.  Also “I’m a mental patient” and who is to say what brain chemistry plays into my needing cigarettes to function?  Let me add here that I was told "Just take your pills and everything will be fine."  Now I'm told 'Just quit smoking and everything will be fine".  I would also cite here an incident on the Dr Phil show- - where this young adult was having the SAME relationational problems with his mother one month AFTER he got off drugs as he had before.  It’s no secret that Dad had an addiction problem - - but he was never subjected to continuous grilling and “full court press” I was.  Besides this most of the conversations Paul had with Dad were while Dad was drunk.  After at least ten years of alcoholism from December 1967 to Thanksgiving of 1977 - - Dad for years after (at least) was taking valium in addition to any anti spasmodic or other stomach drugs, plus the antidepressant he was on.  To compare me to him is to compare two unequals- - but in Paul’s mind I tend to come off the worse anyhow.   But to even send a letter would presuppose it’s possible to have a rational conversation with either Paul or Judy.

So when Judy says "If you smoke so much as one cigarette that cancles out all your smoking efforts.  One factor by way of Pavlovian conditioning is that- - every time I fail I reinforce the fact that "You better not go without nicotine".   But it's not even abstractly to say the "Right" thing to Judy and I'll illustrate.  One time two years ago - - Judy goes on and on about why am I on SSI and able bodied and stuff, so I mentioned "Maybe I could get a job here or a job there", to which Judy responds "I wouldn't hire you because you're financially irresponsible".   It was the same day Judy lit into President Obama saying 'He suffers from the character disorder of blaming President Bush for his own failures to get the economy to get the economy going".   According to Judy everybody else suffers from "some character flaw".   In this phone call she returned to this "[Marcus] is a crook" mantra her in a way.  What she said was "You think you can just get upgraded service and not have to pay for it".   This is a revision of I short change the phone company on a bill and she goes "[Marcus] is stealing from the phone company".   She also made an allusion to "bailing me out that other time" when one time I was LIED TO over the phone who tried to say I was saving money by signing me up for a new charge.  I PAID that charge whenever it occurred SHE DIDN"T.  All SHE did was to lock me out of my own account using this incident about three years ago as an excuse.  Oh- - Judy is a control freak.  You knew that.  This is why the bumper "Save the Males" comes off as so idiotic coming from her.  Of course- - the 47% are lazy bums too- - there's that line.  And the Occupy Wall Street group- - they're all socialists who want to "steal" from the rich.  Judy uses the imagry lf "debt" or "taking from others" quite a bit.  

Relations with Paul and Judy have hit another rocky patch.  Last Tuesday at dinner I received my bank statement that showed I was overdrawn - - which surprised me.   Well I was able to get Paul to take me to the bank.  I had a choice.  I could put two dollars in - - and be safe for five days- - where I'd somehow have to come up with more.  I had borrowed two dollars from Federico.  When we were at the bank Paul just plopped down a twenty dollar bill - - to give me a cash cushion.   I think somehow I brought up my tobacco addiction - - .   Clearly I have been really stressed all month.  Now there is the impending dental work which could go on for weeks.  There's the fact that a while back there was a crackdown on smoking here and they restricted our area for smoking- - with threats they might bar it alltogether.  There was the famous lamp crisis that seemingly went on forever.  There is the "no over the counter medications in your room" edict a month ago.  I had just learned from Dr Saran that he would not all me to get those methylated B vitamines Judy was talking up so much.  I was counting on them for some merical cure to my stress or whatever.  I mentioned how little I had smoked lately, and Paul reminded me that - - no cesation of smoking really "counts" if it's forced or some out of external compultion.  Paul went on to talk about how I may have an addiction gene that Dad also probably had.  He also went on to say that if I ever think of- - - having to FORCE myself to quit smoking- - - like a diet- - the person longs for the period when his DIET is done.   I once asked Mom (you remember Christmas 2009) when would be the POINT at which she'd be satisfied I'd successfully quit smoking.  And She basically said that point would never come.  Clearly I can't even make a PROMISE to not smoke- - - - and no promises were sought or given today.  BUT THIS DID NOT STOP THEM FROM REPEATEDLY SAYING I HAD BROKEN A PROMISE What I didn't mention were some factors KEEPING me a smoker besides this.  For instance nicotine may be helping me function.  My brain chemistry was never normal to begin with.  Also I see people like Bill S and John M going endless periods without cigarettes- - but somehow they never decided "OK I"m over cigarettes now".