"- - - and what is Truth?"

"Welcome to The World Beyond, Marcus
Outer Space is Where We Live- -
- It's where You Die!"

Well, what's it going to be?
Hillary's "We Fight On!" or
Obama's "Game Over!"

The last time I checked - the only
one with an EXIT STRATEGY for
Life was - Jack Kavorkian

"Today We Fight!"
-from "300"

In a real fight, each side
shares the same number
of dimensions
whether they want to or not

"I don't want you to die for your country
I want you to make the other
son of a bitch die for His!
-General Patton

What number does each of the following events have in common? The number of locks in the Suez Canal * The number of mutinies in the US Navy as of 1954 * The number of times Quantas Airlines has crashed as of cerca 1990 * The number of power failures I’ve experienced while using a computer. * The number of times I have “passed out” from too much alcohol either in a public situation or outside. * The number of times I’ve been playing with that “Game Boy” thing on my radio and had all three numbers come up the same. * The number of times any Christian authority has retracted or apologized to me for giving false doctrine or counsel. * The number of divorces where I was the one filing for it. * The number of US Presidential elections in this country that have been suspended (not held) The number of each of these is zero. There are certain things that have never happened. It’s not to say that they won’t but the odds grow of their never happening grows each day. How many times have we nominated a Black presidential candidate in a major party? If you’re playing the numbers game you have to say the odds are against it simply for the reason it’s never happened. People have told Hillary “You can’t win” and to get out of the race. If they weren’t so doubtful about their statements they’d keep their mouths shut and Hillary would be “Doing all the talking” by actually taking steps to get out- - so their words would not even be necessary. You know in that “Lion” CS Lewis movie last Saturday that little girl wanted people to believe her that she had been to this “place” called Narnia. When her older brother, who had been with her, denied he had been there, she started to cry because nobody believed her. Why should she cry? Either she was there or she wasn’t and if he’s lying- - why should she feel threatened by that? This smacks too much of Christians and their “testimonies” where it seems to matter less whether what they say is Real but rather- - who believes them? (Selah) People are trying to “talk” their way into an Obama nomination using mathematics and any other “logic” that occurs to them. I will have absolutely no problem if I’m proven wrong. My problems in confronting Christians is that I never seem to be proven wrong on my major statements and doubts and questions. Why is that? What’s bizarre is that people feel threatened when you announce you don’t doctrinally agree with them, almost as if you had insulted them. Once again too much of religion seems to center on “saving face” rather than seeking after Truth. Some liberals have said “The trouble with Christians is that they value Love over Truth”. My position is that you can’t have love worth having without Truth, but if you have Truth without love, the rest will sort itself in time. Do you remember what Moses said to Nephretiri in “The Ten Commandments”? He said, “Love can’t drown Truth”. People who accuse me of “infidelity” to the Gospel- - too often appeal to “realities” and other things that don’t exist here on this earth- - Now - - and may never exist. C S Lewis was “Surprised by Joy”. We later learn Joy is the name of his wife. The problem is his wife isn’t God and I’m sure C S Lewis isn’t advocating that I begin worship of her. Why is it that Bob Dylan only “found Jesus” after he divorced his long time wife, Sarah? Why is it that when Christians are “at their best” (or perhaps worst) they get an attack of the I, Me, Mines? I often feel that people would label me a “Doubting Thomas” with the implication that even if true, this disqualifies me from the Faith. (A common trick of Christians is to turn scripture 180 degrees around from what the text actually says) But they one and all fail to come up with so much as once incident where “If you had only believed this or that at a certain time your life would have taken another course”. This is not to say that such events don’t exist, only that they have never been pointed out. I have this feeling often that I am “estranged” from some ideal life I’m “supposed” to have, if only- - - . In other words I’m raising that old Nixon anti-impeachment argument of “Specificity”.

We had chicken fried steak for dinner with rice, and just peaches for desert. I had seconds on the meat and rice. I went to the bakery for a large coffee that was almost as hot as it’s supposed to be. The entire day has been heavy overcast. The housekeeper was by before dinner to change the linins and give us new blue bed spreads. Before this I was on the computer looking at thinkprogress.org and msnbc.com. We have moved a ship off the coast or Iran. I also re-watched that thing on the Vice Presidential mansion I was distracted this morning when it was on. Silver lake in Hollywood is being filled up again. It’s been dry since January. The old water had bromate in it. It’s medication time.

Sometimes when I get mad at the world I start to think of myself as perfect. Or rather I feel “OK I’m not perfect, but you’re so messed up you’ll never find my flaws”. Some say I have a “faith problem”. It’s funny what is actually IN the Bible verses what these people CLAIM is in the Bible. I know of no story in the Bible where a person is told or gets the notion “If I just BELIEVE strongly enough- - things will begin to change for the better in my life”. In most cases involving God and man in the Bible, guess what? God is actually THERE. There is no QUESTION about it. Some may speak of the book of Esther where these God and man (or woman) dialogs are lacking. This is a book where having the guts of a river boat gambler are praised. In history nations have shown great courage on occasion. Like we allowed that Coventry church to be bombed rather than let on we had broken the German codes. In the battle of Midway the whole battle depended on what our side believed A F meant. I will openly admit that when it comes to things like looking for a job- - I have fallen down badly. You can call me lazy. You can even rightly accuse me with “fear of failure”. I guess it was Howard Stern (forgive me if I have the wrong person) who said once that making marriage decisions was simple: He just married the first girl who would “put out” for him. I think there are a lot of Born Again Christians- - grabbing the first thing that comes along, in whatever field, be it choice of wife, employment, or church. I myself have never reasoned like this. Alas, the “first thing” that “came along” for me after I got out of R O P in February 1992 was going on welfare. This is not a victory but instead a wholesale collapse in pride and in work ethic. There is a song in 1967 by Eric Burden that goes, “- - and I was so much older then- - when I was young”. How true! Some people like Gene Scott under went a whole scale melt-down in personality in his later years- - and congratulated himself for it. There are some things I haven’t done to help myself, like Computer Dating, because these are things only “desperate” people do. My disbelief in a successful outcome at the current time is too strong. I don’t want to be just another middle-aged man searching out some menopausal woman to “share my life with” like Abraham Simpson. I’ve heard some of the dialog old people have on dates and believe me, it’s a turn-off. The reason why I don’t show up at computer chat rooms is because if I don’t “fit in” then I’ll feel even more out of it. People don’t gain confidence as they get older. I don’t know what these Christians are talking about. You LEARN cowardice. There seems to be some Cosmic Hand out there constantly raising the bar. And as some point, even though you’re a trained seal you refuse to jump and look for a chance to go AWOL. If I had real balls I would risk negative feedback even if it’s sure to come. Remember that Buena Park Hospital group that Gail invited me to go to? I went three just three days before I was told I was no longer (never was) qualified to attend. But even at the end of that three day period I was beginning to feel walled out of conversations, even ones led by therapists. That was a “cliquey” group. Even in a dog kennel I’m a smart enough dog to realize when the food is being yanked away from me and given to other dogs. But the other dogs are not the problem. To me it isn’t people who are the problem but that Cosmic Hand that appears to be manipulating my life. I’m only got one life, and a dog’s life isn’t fun”, to paraphrase John Lennon. So- - who do I contact? Sylvia Browne? Don’t tempt me; I’m thinking about it. “I think we need to know the truth about Marcus Arelius”.