CRACKING THE CODE

A Guide to Tea Party Speech by Eels Glatenblufer

(the name comes from an old Lucy episode where Mr. Mooney was trapped inside the bank vault)

“Class Warfare”

We and not you are waging the war and guess what? All you poor people lost.

“The Job Creators”

The idle Filthy Rich Wall Street and International Corporitist gang, who produce nothing in this economy.

“The Government doesn’t have a Revenue problem but a Spending Problem”

The Government doesn’t have a Spending problem but a Revenue Problem”

“The Value of the US Dollar”

I intend to use the Fed to drive the US economy into the deepest depression in the past eighty years

“Let the Real Estate markets hit bottom”

When you can pick up property for pennies on the dollar, we’re going to kick all the people in those homes out, and put up developments for the ultra rich.

“Cultural Assimilation” (Pat Buchannon)

Lord Forbid that any of the rich cultural influences of other ethnic groups rub off on us true blue Americans.

“We Must Ratify Trade Agreements”

We need to insure that the trade deficit stays perpetually as bad as it is now, or with any luck we can actually make it worse, so we can complain about it.

“The Mountain of National Debt”

Shrink government down to the size where you can drown altogether it in the bathtub

“Death Panels”

Any attempt to bend the cost curve in wasteful health care spending. We are the idle rich and we are basically entitled to live forever no matter what the cost to society.

“Tort Reform”

Consumers still have too many rights and we need to change laws to screw them over even worse so that if they are injured by corporate malfeasance they’re out of luck.

“Make America energy sufficient and not dependant on Arab oil”

Turn vast segments of America into a moonscape with wiped out forests and blown off mountains to squeeze out that last few percent of remaining oil reserves.

“Religion is the Opiate of the People”

Religion is the Opiate of the People. Just what we said.

“Playing the Race Card”

YOU haven’t used race but We ARE going to inject race into this argument, in the tradition of the adage “The best defense is a good offence”

“It isn’t You; It’s Me”

It isn’t Me, It’s You

“This conversation is over”

I’m stone walling if you can’t tell. Now get the hell out of my office.

“Free up the economy for job growth”

Wipe out all pollution and occupational safety guidelines and increase the income of the top one percent.

“Attract Industry to our State or Country”

Turn the United States into a third world country just like the rest of the world.

“Wishful Thinking” or “Magical Thinking”

God won’t keep his word to you even if he promised And if any Christian promised you anything, no matter how explicitly stated, they were lying to you, too.

“Balance things out”

No matter what the Bible expressly states, I’m going to believe the exact opposite and that’s what I’m going to make sure my Congragation is taught.

“My Body is a Temple of the Holy Spirit”

In any Social gathering where normal people congregate, My intension is always to act like a carping, ponthical, preachy Asshole.

“I don’t give place to the Devil”

I don’t give place to You. Now get the hell OUT.

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ROMULANS: In Romulan culture to the West means “following”, and to the South means “Hellbound” and to the east means either “Facing” or “Opposing”. The East Romulans traditionally were the arch rivals of the Romulans. This is not so true today. The North, as in American business connotes a “greening up” and prosperity and growth. In navigation, like with my trig numbers, the degrees always run counter-clockwise so that they meet up with standard US navigation at the Southeast point. Actually they again meet at the Northwest point. Sutterans are half Taccomans and half Lanians, a branch of the Pliades. The Pliades consist mainly of Lanians or Alcyons, Luanians, and the generic DES RHO, the Chicago – Las Vegas DES RHO, and the Miami DES RHO, which is oddly enough the genisis of Scientology. Taccomans are not trusted. A few of them were actually from Taccoma at one time. The Sutterans are worse than the Lanians and way worse than the Taccomans. In addition to “south bound” the word also can mean “To dance” but more often it refers to either an all out street fight, or else to having sex. Greg changed the “Hot Blooded” line from “Do you do more than dance?” to “Like to see you dance”, because the former would mean “Do you do more than go all the way?”. In terms of music the Romulans are much more homogenious than the Federation. They have a long tradition of ad-libbing other people’s material, and they are constantly singing different song lyrics to the same tune. In the Dylanesque tradition they sing songs with many verses, and often add new verses to old songs.

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VALERIE: Valerie Shoffner has been said to be a later “Avatar” of Zachery, who is a reincarnation of Brian Jones. The term “fake Brian Jones” was used by both me and Mal Evans and even Stu because if disbelief that “Brian is really like that”. Zachery physically looked like Brian Jones as you know. The same blond hairdo, blue eyes and pouty lips. Valerie doesn’t like chicken. She avoids it at all costs. Mark Campbell and Jim Cooper said Zachery didn’t like chicken. Valerie has two sons on the threshold of adulthood now, with really strange names starting with a D. She seems apathetic to the institution of marriage. She has a reputation for flakiness and "slipping away unnoticed", which I don't fault her for one bit. Her sexual preference for men is even in question. The only man she used to pay any attention to at all was a 69 year old Black man named Byron, who walked with a cane and was eventually confined to a wheel chair. He loved to tell long, rambling stories in sort of a southern fried New Orleans accent. Valerie is into classic rock, and also astrology. She also gets into frequent arguments with her mother. She likes to talk a lot about herself to almost anybody else, and also spread the low-down on others. She at times alludes to knowing vertain things about various rock bands, and also the personnel at KLOS here in LA. She had called Las Vegas her home and has a fondness for that city, but at age thirteen hitchhiked with her “boyfriend” to California to attend Cal Jam I, featuring the Eagles, Black Sabbath, Deep Purple, Emerson Lake and Palmer and Black Oak Arkansas. I hope she is not offended by this resume. She isn’t big on wearing make-up or perfume, and has held some rather masculine jobs.

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THINKING ON THINGS: It’s the name of Dr. Levy’s newsletter but I would like to hit this topic of “Thinking what constitutes a Thing and the nature of Things”. The Greeks say that the highest aspect of a thing is the Idea of a thing. In my reckoning this could fall under the category of form or blueprint. “How would you go about mass-producing the thing?” These are instructions bridging from an idea of the mind in abstract to something on paper that is, as it were, an executable Program. All of the relivent measurements and specifications are there. Another aspect of a thing is its materiality. If something entirely lacks mass and/or does not occupy space as we know it, such a thing could be said to be not measurable. It is said that electrons have Mass BECAUSE they have energy, but if an electron were drained of all energy it would cease to have mass. Since energy has mass, it counts. Third we have the Perception of the object, either to itself or more often to others. It can be argued that any object has no “Absolute essence” but rather each “essence” is perceived differently with each observer. And we said that the increase in commonality in perception of said Thing increases the affinity for said fellow observer. Such as two classic rock enthusiasts. Finally I’m saving purpose or Function to the last. I described this previous as “innate, involuntary karma”. It’s a karmic attribute that was given to the Thing by God that said Thing has either little or no control over. Normally a things Function is determined by the Environment that grew up or Evolved into Existance in. Given the ability to introspect, one might not particularly like the “Function God had in mind when he made him”. To try and deny this “God designated function” is to tilt at windmills. It is an utterly futile pursuit. (Selah)