Fractured History from Twenty Years Ago

Penned by Squire Malcolm Evans

In the news the drought is so bad the government is offering cattle ranchers money to take the cattle off their hands that don't have grass to graze on.  Meanwhile Judy took the oppertunity to say that though farm prices aren't that much reflected in the final grocery product, she points out that every step long the distribution path, from the shippers to the processors, the product gets a tax.  Judy says that Paul Ryan wants to save medicare and President Obama wants to gut it.  I told her I'd be fair and investigate the matter.  But on the Stephanie Miller program today I heard quite another story about how old people will see the return of the prescription drugs "donut hole" and have to pay more, and are denied preventative health care, making health treatment further down the line much more expensive.  Paul Ryan's plan will make the deficet worse and not better, and "President" Romney will see his taxes fall to one percent or zero, because Ryan wants to eliminate the capital gains tax.  Bill Press says most candidates move to the center during the general election, but Mitt Romney moved to the extremity of the right.  They said that Joe Byden has way more foreign policy background and knowledge than Paul Ryan does.  He's certainly older and more seasoned.  Now Mitt Romney is claiming that he's only cutting middle income taxes and keeping tax rates for the rich identical to what it is now.  Today I hear some union people wanted their congressman to go to bat for them but Paul Ryan refused.  But Paul Ryan has strong ties to big wall street money and was down begging other fellow conservatives to vote for the Wall Street bail-out plan. I can't help but continue to think that some true conservatives out there will look at the religious credentials of the ticket, and both Romney and Ryan are in bed with Wall Street and have honest second thoughts about their casting their lots with this team. Last night on Sixty Minutes I told Judy the Romney Ryan team might be in trouble because Bob Sheefer of Face the Nation is normally pretty tough.  But he only lobbed soft walls for this Sixty Minutes interview, that ran only one commercial segment, and not for the full hour, as I had supposed.  I advise all you readers to check out that list of question on the following posting after this one.  Print them out and pass them around to your friends, and mail them to your congressman.  We need to get the word out.  These are questions- - though they be many- - that Mittens and Paul Ryon won't touch with a ten foot pole.

President Hedgehog                           George H W Bush

Mike Duface                                       Michael Dukakis

Joe Dieseldorf                                    Joe Lieberman

Lloyd Bland                                       Lloyd Benson

Vice President Pheasant                     Vice President Quayle

Randi Turner                                      Michelle Bachman

Phil Nolan                                           Paul Ryan

Jack Romulus                                     Mitt Romney

Governor Ricktoven                           Governor Rick Perry

Matt Banebridge                                Newt Gingrich

George Clinton                                   Bill Clinton

Al Gore                                               as Himself

There is a back story to what I was going to do written by Squire Malcolm Evans.  If you want the original version get it from Mal Evans yourself.  I haven’t had enough coffee this morning and slept through the Stephanie Miller show.  The back story on this whole drama is that President Hedgehog was ciriticzed for ending the Gulf War too quickly when Governor Ricktoven and other right wingers wanted the war to continue and to even send troops back to Iraq.  In 1988 now President Hedgehog ran against Mike Duface of Massachusetts, but he used a commercial done by Duface in the Primary against ex Nazi officer Joe Dieselforf   in the Primary because Dieseldorf was so war like and rode around the streets of Boston in a World War I vintage Prussian tank saying he was ready for war.  Actually Joe Dieselforf’s one claim to fame came in 1968 when he ran for congress and got one term as an independent, based on a heavily German district, but then lost the election in 1970 when his opponent accused him of being “too ethnic”.  So that Duface ran an ad saying that any troop who ever took another human life in the Viet Nam war, if it were he in charge, he as Governor would order death for such an individual by lethal execution.  Anyhow Duface won the Primary there and in the general election chose Lloyd Bland former Governor of Alaska.  He was impeached by his own people for the High Crime and Misdomeanor of being excessively boring and dull-whitted.  In the 1988 debate, Governor Bland complained that he couldn’t hear because he forgot to turn on his hearing aid.  Governor Bland was getting on in years. President Hedgehog had many challengers in the opposite party.  Nobody in the opposite party liked the guy they eventually picked Jack Romulus.  Other also rans that year were Randi Turner, twelve year congresswoman from Minisota.  But she had accused that there were members in the President Hedgehog administration who were secret members of the Moslem Brotherhood and she got her historical dates mixed up and couldn’t remember when Elvis’ birthday was.  Anyhow when Congresswoman Turner won hands down in the Iowa straw poll in August of 1991 her campaign was kicked into over-drive.  But when she tried to shift into a more neural stance for the major primaries she stripped her gears and ran into troubles that proved too overwhelming.  One time she talked about how Paul Revere organized the colonial troops at Plymouth Rock, which was a big rock that was moved to that location by a giant construction crane, on orders of Massachusetts Governor Jacoby as a border marker to end the border dispute between the cities of Lexington and Concord.  Jack Romulus had a lot of money to spend against his political opponents.  Actually Matt Banebridge of George proved to be Jack Romulus’ biggest challenger in the primaries, particularly in the South where he picked up his own state and South Carolina.  Jack Romulus threw in a lot of money into adds against Banebridge and though – as Chris Matthews was to say “Banebridge fought like a “Rocky”, it proved too much, what with all his millions.  Of course Rumulus won and picked Phil Nolan as his vice president with his controversial plan in congress to end medicare as we know it.  And he wanted to declare that the unborn fetus had person hood, and he also favored private accounts for Social Security, and also barring abortions for women even in the case of Rape or Incest.  He was also against ending preventative health care for women and old people, but wanted to cut old people’s subsedies for high cost prescription drugs.  Many called it the Nolan – Romulus ticket because Nolan was so far to the right.  Romulus attacked President Hedgehog for not objecting more to the massacre at Tienimen Square in China on June first of 1989.  Romulus in general said that Hedgehog’s foreign policies were a disgrace, and even the positive developments he didn’t deserve because we all know Norman Swartzkof was the real architect of the Gulf War with Saddam Hussein.  So basically you had the President and his party running and the opposition party running, and you also had Ross Perot.  The electoral college was deadlocked for 68 votes.  But on the sixty-ninth vote the stalemate was broken when they picked former Governor George Clinton of New York as President and just to give geographic balance, they picked Senator Al Gore of Tennessee.